


With You I Truly Felt Invincible

by bubbleblonde



Series: Hinata Shoyo's life [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amputation, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Blood and Injury, Brazil, Character Death, Depression, Disabled Hinata Shouyou, Emotional Baggage, Gen, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, It Gets Worse, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Mental Health Issues, No Smut, Oikawa Tooru's Knee Injury, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Physical Therapy, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prosthesis, Sick Hinata Shouyou, Social Anxiety, Vomiting, im sorry, osteosarcoma, rotationplasty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:28:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27290476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubbleblonde/pseuds/bubbleblonde
Summary: Hinata Shoyo is a very sick kid.He accepted from a young age that he would not live to see 30 but he tried made the most of life.Take a look into Hinata Shoyo's life and see his struggles and how he overcame most of them.Take a look into how he helped change the volleyball world and the lives of so many people around him.Take a look into how his life seemingly fell apart after every time he fixed it.And take a look into the hole he left in the world.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Series: Hinata Shoyo's life [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1992622
Comments: 10
Kudos: 126





	1. Diagnosis and the first day.

**Author's Note:**

> CW:This chapter talks about cancer and being in a hospital.
> 
> Inspired by @lizzy__cos__ on tiktok

Hinata Shoyo was 6 when the pains started. The pains weren't excruciating or even that noticeable but it was still there. He didn't think to tell his mother about the pains, or anyone else, because it was so dull and it wasn’t constant. This pain went on for about a year until, at recess, his teacher noticed he was jumping weird. She asked for him to go to the nurse to get his knee looked at since it looked like it wasn't bending correctly and he was limping when he walked. Once at the nurse’s office his mother was called since his knee had gotten swollen and was hot to the touch. The next day they went to the doctors and when they examined the knee they decided to order an MRI because the doctors and nurses agreed that something was wrong. Once he had gotten his MRI they decided to do a biopsy and found a tumor.

Hinata Shoyo, age 7, had Osteosarcoma in his tibia and would need a rotationplasty and multiple rounds of chemo.

The doctors then explained that the next step would be chemotherapy but it wouldn’t be easy. There would be about ten weeks of chemo before they could do any surgery to remove the tumor and do the rotationplasty then they would continue the chemo treatment for up to a year and in that time he would also be starting physical therapy. Mrs. Hinata was in tears by then but Shoyo didn’t fully understand what was going to happen, all he knew is that he was sick. He asked, “Will I still get to play with other kids and run and jump?” The doctors then explained in more child-friendly terms what was happening. “Shoyo, you most likely will but not for a while. Right now you have a really bad sickness in your leg.” The doctor then pointed to the spot on his tibia right under his knee, “If you want you to get better you will have to go through Chemo which is some really bad medicine but it helps make the sickness get smaller and smaller until we can go in and take it out. Once we take it out we will do a procedure we will have to give you some yucky medicine again for a while but then you will be all ready to go back home. Then you will be able to run and jump again. The procedure we will do is called in big person words a ‘rotationplasty’ but that just means that when we take the sick spot out of your leg, you won't have a good knee but your ankle could work like your knee does so we will take your foot, turn it around so it works like a knee, and then you will be able to jump and run in it with a super cool fake leg. ” The doctor took a breath and looked to his mother “If the rotationplasty goes correct he will be able to do almost any sport again, high or low impact because his joint in his ankle will act as his knee, the other option that we would go with would not allow him to do any sports or anything with high or medium impact. It would take out part of the bone and you already agreed to the rotationplasty, we just want to make sure you are informed of the choices. If the rotationplasty fails we would have to do the above-knee amputation which would be harder to get accustomed to but that shouldn't happen” then she turned back to Shoyo “I know this is scary but it will get better because you will be with other kids like you.”

Shoyo was still mildly confused but he understood this much: he was really sick, they had to give him medicine that would make him sicker at first but then he would be better, they had to do this procedure that would make him able to jump again. That much was enough to make him okay with the whole situation because after it he shouldn’t be sick anymore and it sounded like he would be able to make a lot of new friends.

* * *

A week passed and they had informed the school of Shoyo’s condition. The school offered their condolences and offered to send him his work and a tutor for when he started chemo which was fine except that both Mrs. Hinata and the school both knew that Shoyo would be absolutely miserable and might have long periods where he wouldn't have the energy to do school work.

Mrs. Hinata decided that Shoyo should stay at the hospital for the duration of this. This was not an easy decision but it was the right one. She didn’t do this because she didn’t love him but because she was a single mother with a one-year-old and a very sick seven-year-old. They didn’t have any living family in town that could help and she already had to work two jobs to pay the bills. Also, she lived in the Miyagi prefecture while the hospital Shoyo would have to stay at and go-to for treatments was in Tokyo, 325 km away. She was so upset when she realized she couldn't care for her son while he was sick but was consoled by the nurses who explained many families were in this position especially because the hospital was one of the top hospitals in Japan for childhood cancers and treatment. They also had a childhood prosthetic specialist.

* * *

It was Sunday, the day Shoyo checked into the hospital. He had his favorite clothes and his favorite hats. He was told that his hair would most likely fall out so he didn’t want his head to get cold. He also had all the cards from his classmates and teachers telling him to get better and the photos that had been sent. All his teachers, classmates, and friends wished him the best but he could see the look in their eyes. He didn’t recognize it at the time but it was a look of pity. The adults looked at him thinking “that poor child” and his peers thinking “I feel bad but at least I'm not sick.”

Some kids were mean tough. They had taunted Shoyo with “Eww, your sick. Stay away. I don’t want to get sick” and other taunts but for the most part, all he got were looks of pity. Maybe this was why he was so excited to be with other sick kids so he wouldn't be pitied by them. Shoyo was directed to his room after checking in. It was the pediatric wing in the new dorms the hospital had added on less than a year ago.

The hospital he stayed at was trying something relatively new, having pediatric dorms for chemo patients if the family needed assistance and to also make sure that the children were not developing long term side effects or other illnesses. All the dorms had two names on the doors. The photo of the dorms that they had shown him looked like it was one big room with a half wall in the middle and two bathrooms on the sides, both with a sink, shower, and toilet. All of these were made easy to reach with a wheelchair or disabilities that restrict motion. The rooms looked colorful and not as dull as normal hospital dorms. Shoyo’s room was near the end of the hall, the dorms being separated by when they would start chemo and also age range. When he reached his room, he noticed that the door was decorated with video game characters, cats, and some volleyball decals. He was a mixture of excited and nervous. He would meet his new roommate for at least the next year. He was about to go into the room with the nurse when the door swung open.

“Are you Hinata Shoyo?” the boy asked.

He looked rough with long hair and dark bags under his eyes but Shoyo didn’t care because he saw something that caught his eye.

“Yes, I’m Hinata Shoyo but behind you, is that a kitty?” Shoyo said, starting to bounce up and down.

“Yeah, apparently today is one of the days they bring in animals to help cheer us up. His name is melon and he likes to cuddle. I'm Kozume Kenma by the way.”

“Hi, Kenma. By the way, is it ok that I call you Kenma since we will be roommates for a while and that means you will be my new friend!” Shoyo said full of enthusiasm, forgetting all of his previous nerves.

“Sure but that means I can call you Shoyo if I want,” Kenma replied, going back to his gaming console with a smile and welcoming Shoyo in.

The nurse helped Shoyo get settled in then told him how this would work. It was a long and complicated schedule and procedures but fortunately, the nurses would be around to get them when needed and they had the boy's schedules on an electronic tablet. She also informed them that they each got a tablet but they weren't for playing games, they were for schedules and then for when they got the chemo so they could have something to do. Shoyo was also grateful that his mom had gotten him a phone so he could record the instructions, even if it couldn’t have many games. Once he was settled and starting to tape some photos up he called his mom to tell her the room number and everything that had happened up to that exact point. He was exhausted but excited. He would get to see his mom every weekend if she could make it but also have a super cool roommate. He also would make lots of friends on the floor and meet all the nurses who checked on them every hour when the kids weren't out of the rooms. Shoyo explained how he thought it was like teachers because they checked in so often and how he didn't have that much playtime and nap time. There were a lot of things like chemo sessions or stretching and also things he didn't yet know if they were good or bad, the group talking times, and the wellness checkups. He was excited for movie time, playtime, food, and even learning time. He eventually had to hang up for dinner and a tour around the hospital wing with the other new patients.

On the way to dinner Shoyo struck a conversation with Kenma asking him all these questions like how long has he been here and why does he look so tired. The short answer is that Kenma only got here three days prior and he looked so tired because his best friend had been over for the two previous days and wouldn't shut up about all the different science-related things he could see, which was a lot because they were in a hospital. They learned that they were put in the same chemo group and would start chemo on the same day later in the week.

* * *

Shoyo decided that he was glad there was good food. This wasn't like normal hospital food like his mother got when Natsu, his little sister, was born. That food looked bland and all mush but this food was fun sandwiches and different types of milk and waters. There was so much fruit and there were even sweets with dinner. It seemed like heaven but Kenma explained that with the chemo you might not be able to eat if you get even sicker and if you do get super sick with that you do have to eat the liquid food. After that, he finally got to tour the hospital wing. He had already seen the chemo dorm wing, he learned it is called the tangerine dorms for those 12 and under and the other dorms was the strawberry dorms and those were for those over 12. After touring their dorms they got to see the other dorms. Those were for different terminal illnesses or auto-immune diseases. They learned that they would get to meet some of the people from those dorms in groups. Next, they got to see the rooms so that they would get chemo. The room you would be in would be separated by types of chemo, their ages, and other conditions. Shoyo learned that he would be in the same rotation as Kenma so he was happy, he already had at least one friend in his chemo group.

After that they got to see the rest of the hospital; in the rooms, they saw the ones relating to treatment there were the physical therapy rooms, therapy group rooms/therapy rooms, and rooms meant to chill out and calm with thighs such as plants and white noise. They saw the game room and lounge, a group of rooms for school/tutoring, a library for the children connected to a computer room, the family rooms, and the courtyards. They also got to see the buildings connected to the hospital: the pool, gym, restaurants, a bookstore, and a movie theater. This strip of the building was connected by a sky-walk that you needed a key card to cross. Each patient in the long-term ward would have a personalized key card but if you were under 18 it wouldn't work before or after a certain time and during the times it would work you would need a staff member or guardian with you. After that, the tour consisted of going through the schedules and what rooms not to go in. It was a lot but at the end of the tour, they got key-cards for their rooms/access to the dining area and the other rooms that were on the schedule. They then got split into smaller groups and got to meet the nurses/ adults that were in charge of them. Shoyo’s group had ten people in it. He already knew Kenma; the rest of the group consisted of five girls and three boys. Two of the boys were also from Miyagi, like Shoyo, but the other boy was from Tokyo. The girls were all from Tokyo or had moved to Tokyo before treatment. They were all either seven or eight years old and would be doing IV chemo. The nurses talked for the next thirty minutes just explaining how the rounds would go and how sick they might start to feel. She then explained what they had planned for treatment. Starting tomorrow they would run a test to make sure what doses they would need and by Wednesday they would start their first round of chemo. She explained how the rounds of chemo would work and the tests that would most likely have to run. She also explained how important it was that they didn't get something like the flu because their immune system would get weaker.

Shoyo absorbed every word and once she was done it was already almost curfew. There would be room checks and lights out and to him it felt like how camps were explained. He was starting to get nervous but when they got to the room he was utterly exhausted. He set up his bathroom and got changed for bed. It took him little time to fall asleep, which he felt guilty because he didn't have nightmares about missing his mom, he only dreamed of the friends he would have and the cool rooms and super nice nurses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading  
> Plz leave kudos and comments if you liked it and you could also leave suggestions  
> Also plz let me know if i need to add anything to the c/w at the beginning  
> If you want to join my discord the link is here --> https://discord.gg/C5CNpeeHHN


	2. Chemo and routines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinatas first two weeks at the hospital, a glimpse into his anxiety, and a glimpse at his new freinds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by @lizzy__cos__ on tiktok  
> C/W: needles, talks about vomit, mentions anxiety, hospital setting

Shoyo woke up to bright lights. It took him a minute to realize that he wasn’t at his home but instead at a hospital. After he realized where he was, he decided it was time to wash up and get ready for the day. After he got dressed he played games with Kenma until it was breakfast time. 

While playing video games they talked about their families and who they already missed. Kenma missed his mother and best friend Kuroo while Shoyo missed his mother and baby sister. They then talked about what cancers they had. Shoyo had osteosarcoma and Kenma had Nodular lymphocyte-predominant Hodgkin lymphoma. He explained that it was pretty rare but not as rare for young kids to get it as it would be for older kids or adults. After that, they kept talking about the games they were playing on Kenma's gaming console until it was time for breakfast.

* * *

Breakfast was pretty uneventful; all Shoyo did was eat his breakfast, talk to Kenma, and try to talk to the other two boys from Miyagi. He learned their names, Yutaka Izumi and Sekimukai Kouji, and learned that they would have been at the same elementary school. They had never met because, in the classes or times that they could interact, either Kouji had been in the nurse because he was ill or they just didn’t notice each other. Izumi had just moved to Miyagi before he got sick so he wasn’t enrolled in the school yet. They spent the rest of their breakfast talking between themselves, Kenma occasionally talking but mostly playing on his portable game.

After breakfast, they went to one of the rooms where they would do tests on the kids. Some of the tests were to make sure that their hearts wouldn’t be too strained with the medicines, others were platelet counts, and the rest of the tests were ones Shoyo couldn't remember but he did know that they needed blood. He also learned that they would do many of these tests every week to make sure the platelet counts were correct and their immune systems were working. 

After all of this, the nurses explained that they all had different treatment plans. The groups may change but this is their group for the first two rounds. Some people may only need two rounds and some may need more than ten. The nurses also explained that not all of them would have the same route after chemo; some would have radiation therapy and some would have surgery, it depended all on the type of cancer and the stage of cancer. 

Shoyo was surprised that there were so many types of cancers and treatments but he started to understand. The only thing he didn’t know was what stage cancer he had but he was in a high dosage chemo group so he assumed that it was pretty bad. If he was in a low dosage group maybe he wouldn’t need surgery and would get to keep his leg.

Shoyo pulled himself out of his thoughts when he heard the nurses talking about how they were going to do the test. All of them had to do with needles which were fine with Shoyo. This may be surprising but he was never afraid of needles, only of what could be in the needles. He had two main memories surrounding needles, both of them leaving very different impressions on him.

He remembered his mother telling him everything was ok and that blood is normal when he poked his finger on her sewing needle. His mother had told him to not be afraid of the needle.

Then he remembered, while on a trip to America two years ago that his mother took him on; finding needles in the playgrounds and his mother telling him to never go near the needles. He knew that those were bad needles and those had bad things in them but it was sometimes hard to remember that the needles at the hospital had good things in them. He knew that he shouldn't be afraid of what was going into his body but it still made him nervous. Luckily the nurses had plushies and stress balls for nervous kids.

While the nurses were running the test Shoyo decided to talk to the rest of his group. He learned that he was the youngest of the group and the only one with a younger sister. The girls in his group were Eri, Mako, Makoto, Kanoka, and Mika. The other boy in his group was named Pedro. Apparently, he had just moved to Tokyo for his treatment and he was really nervous, he was afraid he would be made fun of because of his broken Japanese and he couldn’t write kanji. They all reassured him that it was ok and that they could try and help.

* * *

They had many different tests taken for the next hour. After that, they got a small snack, because they had just had blood drawn and nobody wants children to be passing out, and then go to play for thirty minutes before they were supposed to do their schoolwork. The rest of the day consisted of working on school until lunch and after lunch and playtime, going back to schoolwork. They had to work, read, do homework, or practice writing skills until five. At five they had thirty minutes until dinner. 

This would be the schedule for the weekdays. On the weekends the kids could utilize the library if they wanted but they could also hang out with family or go play games. They also had understood that once they started chemo the kids may be too sick to do school work so if that happened they would be sent to their room and a nurse would check on the kid regularly. 

* * *

A week passed and nothing monumental happened. Shoyo called his mother every night and was now starting to miss her but now he was friends with everyone in his group and acquainted with everyone in his hall. 

In the week that Shoyo had been at the hospital, there had been four group events. There had been a game night on Wednesday, a movie night on Friday, and on Saturday and Sunday, there were crafting stations and activities that promote creativity and thinking outside of the box like building with legos and other toys that improved creativity. On Monday they started the first round of chemo. The kids were informed that each round would get worse and this round would probably be the easiest. 

* * *

Getting the injection wasn’t too bad, no Shoyo barely felt anything. He didn’t feel anything until two days after. It was Wednesday when he ended up throwing up in his bathroom because he started to feel bad. This was all a side effect and it was just a mild side effect but it still felt bad. Kenma wasn’t sick but instead, he was in a mild amount of pain, just enough to be tolerable but still uncomfortable and enough to keep you up at night. The rest of the group was a range from vomiting three times a day to almost no bad side effects. 

The group decided to study together and complain together. They tried to focus but two of the girls ended up getting sick enough to be sent back to the rooms so they ended up complaining. They were sprawled over the chairs and floor talking about how their whole body's aches and they would keep their food down enough but they still got sick. They all shared the concern of getting dehydrated because of being sick so they decided to all stay hydrated which seems silly but at least it distracted them. This sent the group onto a tangent about hydration and the importance of drinking water. They decided to make it into a game; if you did not drink enough water you had to do a dare that the rest of the group would choose. 

Once the group ended they had got to have another group fun night. Tonight it was another game night. 

The group nights followed a rotation. Every Wednesday night there was a game night. Friday nights were movie nights and each hall got to pick a movie, then you could choose which movie to watch. Saturdays were related to crafts, this was replaced with decorating the halls/dorms on the first Saturday of each month or around a holiday. Sundays were always optional, if you were in the hospital and not with family, you could choose from the activities the nurses had pulled. 

The game night consisted of board games and tennis. You could either go into the board game room or tennis court but you had to pick one and stay. Shoyo chose the board game room because he didn’t like tennis and most of his friends were going there. In the board game room, you were allowed to bring a portable gaming console if you wanted so Kenma was sitting at the end of the table enamored in his game while the rest of Shoyo’s friends started to play a board game. It was a version of monopoly that was supposed to be easier for kids but they still needed help with the money aspect. The nurses were really nice and helped out but they told the group to next time ask some of the older kids who were doing nothing.

* * *

Playing monopoly with other competitive people might not have been the best idea as Shoyo was thinking as he looked at the mess of a game that they were playing. Kanoka and Mika had already quit, Izumi had thrown his money and was now searching for it, Kouji and Eri were arguing over whether Eri had cheated, and the rest were just observing. They decided to end the game and just chill until they had to go to their room. They even got Kenma to put the game down and join in on an easy game of never having it ever. 

Most of the questions were childish like “Never have I ever called someone a mean name” or other things you may find in grade school antics. This went on until Eri had to leave. She had started to hurt again really badly and the nurses excused her to her dorm. After that, the air was more somber. The children realize that this next chapter of their life would be filled with pain and agony. 

It was curfew and Shoyo and Kenma were walking back to their room. They were talking about games and sports. Kenma was talking about this sport his friend wanted him to play. 

“Kuroo says that volleyball is really fun but I don’t know. I mean there are a lot of people on the team and it just seems too loud.” Kenma said looking around. He liked strategic sports but not sports that are too high impact, like rugby or American football.

“I personally don’t care what sport I play, as long as I get to run and jump” Shoyo replied

“Hmm,” Kenma replied, “You would probably like volleyball. There's a lot of running and jumping. Either that or basketball but I think you get to jump more in volleyball. I can have Kuroo send some volleyball videos that we could watch. I could teach you the positions and then you could decide if you like it”

“Really. Thanks a lot, Kenma!” Shoyo replied and hugged Kenma

The next day Kuroo came over for thirty minutes after dinner when they had free time. All three boys went to the dorm to start watching one of the matches. While watching the match Shoyo learned that Kuroo was almost ten, a year older than Kenma. Kuroo played volleyball with his elementary school and would probably end up convincing Kenma to join once he got home and was back to full health.

While watching the matches Shoyo noticed that all of the players that got to jump a lot were really tall. He was now wary of the sport because he would most likely not grow to be tall. He put the idea of playing volleyball near the back of his brain. Maybe later down the road, he would pick up interest but as of right now, he felt too short.

Thursday and Friday were basically the same as the rest of the week. The only difference was that Shoyo got sick more and more. Sunday rolled around and Shoyo was miserable but he was excited. His mother got to visit so Shoyo washed up and tried to make him less sickly. 

Shoyo got a text from his mother that she was checking in. He said bye to Kenma and ran to the family meeting room. He saw his mother and started to run to jump at her but stopped when he realized that she was holding Natsu, his baby sister. His mother chuckled and put Natsu in her baby carrier and picked up Shoyo into a big hug. 

She took Shoyo out to get ice-cream and Shoyo told her everything that had happened in the time he had been at the hospital. His mother looked at her boy, just praying that he would start to feel better but she knew that she needed to keep up a happy face so Shoyo might feel a little happier. 

Three hours went by with Shoyo talking with his mother and playing with Natsu. He was sad when they had to leave but knew that he got to see them in two weeks. He had started to get a feel for the routine that was forming and thought that this wont be as bad as it could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is going to be long but i'm going to try and update every week or every other week. This is my first fic so pleas leave comments on what i can improve. Thanks for reading♡  
> Eventually this will get sad and in the next few chapters we will see the other kids who are sick/hinata will meet while in physical therapy.  
> Also Natsu is one in the beginning of the fic b/c i think she is like 6 years younger in cannon so i tried to stay close to that.  
> I haven't decided on other relationships so if there is one that ya'll would like to see comment it!!  
> This will get sadder though. It might take a few more chapters but i started to cry while writing the outline so.  
> If you like this i would rlly appreciate comments but if not that ok  
> If you want to join my discord the link is here --> https://discord.gg/C5CNpeeHHN


	3. the nasty side effects of chemo and surgery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weeks 2-10 of Shoyo's chemo treatment summarized and the immediate affects of his rotationplasty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by @lizzy__cos__ on tiktok  
> C/W: Hospital setting, mention of vomit, mention of surgery, intrusive thoughts, passing out, feeding tube mentioned, use of wheelchair, mention of a panic attack, and mention of pain medication.

The next nine weeks had the same routine as the first two. The only thing that changed was the kid's attitudes. Yes, they were all the same children but they were mentally and physically drained. After the third round of chemo, Shoyo could not keep solid foods down. This started to take a physical toll on him.   
In week five Shoyo passed out because severely dehydrated from vomiting. He had to go to an actual room in the hospital so they could hook him up to iv’s and make sure he didn’t pass out again. He was bedridden for three days because of this and the talk of a feeding tube was floating around his room.   
He peeked at his chart and it said he had lost fifteen pounds. He had known that he lost some weight because he could now count all of his ribs and his shoulder blades stood out but he didn’t think it was that drastic. He was now severely underweight and would most likely not regain it until he got back home and was done with chemo. Also, chances were likely that he would have to get a feeding tube after the surgery but not yet, seeing that he could keep liquids down most of the time.  
His hair was also falling out, making him look even sicker. All of this left bad thoughts in his mind. He knew that it was really dangerous to be underweight and it didn’t help that he couldn’t keep any solid food down.   
Intrusive thoughts slithered into his mind.

“You should just wither away”

“It's good you lost weight. When you go back home you won't burden your mother as much. You won't need as much food”

“You are putting too much stress on the poor nurses. They might have to put a feeding tube in you for god's sake. Why can't you just be normal and keep food down.”

There weren't that many thoughts but they still found their way into the boy's mind. 

He quickly pushed them aside, not needing to hear those thoughts. 

* * *

After he got sent back to the dorms, he learned that Kouji, Eri, and Mako all had their surgery and finished their rounds of chemo.   
They wouldn’t be staying at the dorms anymore seeing that they didn’t need any more chemo and now would just be in rehabilitation.   
All of their tumors had been small enough to get it without needing heavy chemo treatments or second rounds of chemo. If they needed any more rounds of chemo, they could just go to their local specialist or hospital since they would have to be close enough to the rehabilitation specialist.

Shoyo was seething with envy.  
He knew that once he had his surgery, he would have almost another year of chemo on top of relearning how to walk.   
He would have to teach his ankle to act like his knee and figure out how to walk again.   
His thoughts started flooding his head again as he fell asleep.

“What if I never run again”

“What if I can’t jump again”

“What if this doesn't work and I just die on the operating table”

“What if they make a mistake and leave my leg paralyzed”

“What if I die because of my weight from chemo before they can even take the cancer out”

“Just die already. You are too sick to live and are just ruining everything”

“Why can't you just be healthy and normal”

Shoyo worked himself into a panic. He rushed to the bathroom and tried to calm himself down and drown out the bad thoughts. He started to hum a lullaby his mother would sing to Natsu. This eventually worked but Shoyo was so exhausted by then he just slept in the bathroom on the cold tile flooring. 

* * *

The rest of the weeks were more like this.   
Shoyo would work himself into a panic attack or wouldn't be able to ignore the bad thoughts his brain produced. He didn’t tell his mom because she worried enough and he didn’t tell the nurses because he should be a happy seven-year-old. He should be happy to be getting treatment. Obviously, he was super grateful and happy to get treatment but he still couldn’t shake the guilt so he just pushed it aside.  
By the time it came to his surgery, he was mentally and physically exhausted. His panic attacks got worse and the feeling of isolation was bubbling up in his mind and threatening to boil over. It was almost bad enough to make the seven-year-old completely break down. He probably would if he didn’t have Kenma to talk to.   
Yes, Kenma was also mentally and physically exhausted but both boys found it helpful to talk to one another. There was some comfort knowing that they weren't alone wallowing in their own misery.

* * *

It was the day of the surgery.   
Shoyo got moved to a regular hospital room and got prepared. It was all overwhelming, nurses coming in and out of the room like the door was one of those fancy revolving ones but it was broken, never stopping. Everyone constantly moving made the room a blur, Shoyo only able to focus on the nurses who were there to check on his vitals. Shoyo would have probably panicked if not for his mother there, holding his hand reassuring him that everything was going to get better.   
At two he was taken into surgery. He felt exposed and vulnerable but was told to breathe and keep the bad thoughts out of his head. If he started to panic it could affect how the anesthesia would work. The nurse told him that she once had a patient wake up in the middle of surgery because they caused them-self to panic and the anesthesia wore off.   
This did not help Shoyo calm down. That statement made it ten times worse but he convinced himself to breathe. He thought back to his mother singing to him and Natsu and that that helped.   
When the anesthesiologist put him under, Shoyo felt funny. He couldn’t feel anything but it didn't feel like sleep. It felt like fog. Time felt like it was either really fast or slow and he couldn’t tell what was going on.   
The procedure was only ten hours but to Shoyo, it felt like either two hours or three days passed. Soon the fog feeling in his brain started to clear. This was met with a dark wave rushing over Shoyo. He passed out but the procedure was already done. Now he could rest. 

* * *

Shoyo was out cold for a whole day.   
He woke in agony, his pain relievers wearing off.   
His leg felt like the nerves were on fire and everything felt wrong.   
The pain was so bad he ended up vomiting and then passing out again.   
His mother was starting to panic and informed a nurse. She gave him more medications for the pain but this scared Shoyo’s mother.   
Her baby boy was in so much pain and looked so thin. He looked like he was about to knock on death's doors and that made her distraught. She just wanted him to be fully healthy again and for him to not get sick again. She hadn’t even come to terms with the fact that Shoyo had just lost a leg, much less that he would have to do chemo again and years of physical therapy. She didn’t want to think of the side effects from chemo that might stick with him and the chances that he would go into remission or get a different type of cancer.

* * *

Two days later, Shoyo finally woke up without passing out or throwing up.   
He felt like hell and looked worse. Everything now felt too loud and he felt weird. He felt as if he wasn’t in his own body and everything hurt. He looked around and saw his mother sleeping in the chair. He needed to go to the bathroom but didn't want to wake her so he just got up. One thing was the problem, he forgot that he had a rotationplasty and was now missing part of his right leg.   
He fell and cried out in pain; this woke his mother who had to help him up and help him to the bathroom. The whole ordeal was embarrassing for Shoyo. He couldn’t even walk properly right now and the reflection in the mirror scared him.   
He scared himself.   
He didn’t look like a boy who would play any sport his friends wanted to or run around for hours. He looked like a corpse that had been wilting away for years. His eyes supported deep, dark bags and he could almost see through his skin. His head was freezing from the lack of hair and he could see almost all of his veins.  
He tried not to cry but all his emotions were starting to fill his brain and overflow. He felt pity towards himself, angry at himself that he felt pity, he felt sad for his lack of a leg, he felt like a burden towards his mother. Then he felt angry at himself once again because he thought that these emotions made him weak and vulnerable.  
He pulled himself together before he had to call for his mother to help him back to his bead. His left leg was also sore from not being used to having all of his weight on it so his mother just carried him. He weighed next to nothing and at this rate, he would have to get a feeding tube until he could properly eat.

* * *

For the next week, he was basically bedridden, besides when he would go to the bathroom; even then he could not walk there. He would either have to be carried or, he would have to lean on his mother or a nurse to walk to the bathroom.   
They did have to put a feeding tube in because he could no longer eat liquids.  
He did start to look healthier however, with him starting chemo soon, he would most likely have to keep the feeding tube. He was also still underweight, now in the dangerous region, so the feeding tube was non-negotiable.   
They gave him a feeding tube that went into a part of the small bowel called the jejunum.   
This was more permanent than the nasogastric tube that went through the nose down to the stomach, ideal for 2-4 weeks of use.   
Photos esophagus was severely damaged from vomit and would most likely stay that way with Shoyo vomiting at least once a day. 

He did not like the feeling of vomit; vomit made him feel dirty and disgusted. He would also associate vomiting with death now since he heard of a child dying from being severely underweight because of constant vomiting.  
The whole situation had Shoyo feeling bad; he just wanted to crawl out of his skin. He felt foreign in his own body, part of his right leg missing and a port in his stomach.   
All he wanted to do was sit down with his friends and eat and play, but he would not be able to do much of that for a while. He was coming to terms with everything at his own pace. He was nowhere near coming to terms with his lost leg but, he could come to terms with his new feeding tube.   
He made sure to try and see the bright side of this whole ordeal. At least he did not have as many IV's hooked up to him now. Also, the port looked kinda cool.

* * *

After a week, Shoyo started to get more strength back. He could now transfer himself into a wheelchair and back to his bed so that meant he could go see Kenma.   
Kenma was supposed to have his surgery in a week. They talked about new games and how weird it felt to lose a limb.  
After he saw Kenma he went to see the rest of his friends. Izumi was to be prepped for surgery in two days, Pedro, Makoto, and Mika were about to start radiation, and Kanoka would have her surgery in two weeks.   
After catching up Shoyo went back to his room and got to see Natsu. She had been with a sitter for the past week and a half, his mother being at the hospital with Shoyo. He could finally hold her again and when she was put into his hands, he remembered why he didn’t want to be sick. He wanted to be healthy so, when Natsu could play, he could teach her all the best sports and be the best brother ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Sorry if this is a little short.  
> As for a schedule, i am going to try and post on either fridays or wensdays but my mental health isn't the best and school is stressing me out. It wont get really sad soon, just a little angsty  
> Please comment if there is a grammatical error or typo. I am running on two hours of sleep and four cups of coffee so i might have skiped over some parts.  
> The type of feeding tube he has is a G-J tube and he could eventually eat with it. He will probably have this forever b/c of the extensive damage to the esophagus and he will have acid reflux problems after this, one of his many side affects of chemo and being sick.:/  
> I might introduce relationships once were 6-8 chapters in. Once he is in HS i will show some of the relationships.  
> Also, he will turn eight some time in the next three chapters, it jsut wont be as important because it will a) be in a hospital and b) he will be sick from chemo.  
> If you want to join my discord the link is here --> https://discord.gg/C5CNpeeHHN


	4. ten months of chemo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shoyo's ten months of schemo after his surgery and the start of his new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by @lizzy__cos__ on tiktok  
> C/W: Death, funeral, hospital, intrusive thoughts, and therapist

Hinata Shoyo decided that life was unfair when he got the news that Kanoka had died during her operation. 

He wasn't stupid. He knew, even at his young age, that not everyone got better, not everyone got off of the table, and not everyone stayed healthy after cancer went away. He knew all of this but he never knew that it would affect him. 

He never knew his father, with his father dying before his younger sister was born, and before that, he was always at work or in a hospital. That didn’t affect him that much since his father was very absent in his family. His aunt was dead but she was killed ten years before his birth and his grandparents were either in Brazil, America, or dead so they couldn't talk about her. Shoyo didn’t even know that she was a person until he had to go to his father's grave and saw the family’s spot with all of the boxes of cremated dead people.

Yes, it might have been naive to think that nobody close to him would die, but it was something stable to stand on that seemed to shatter under his feet, leaving him falling into a pit of despair and intrusive thoughts.

But, life has to move on if you want to recover. You have to admit defeat to get help on how to be stronger. After Kanoka’s death, the hospital offered a therapist for those in the residential wing. Shoyo started seeing them on one a week after the memorial they held in the hospital's religious center.

It was almost suffocating to be there. Seeing adults the kids had never met weeping over Kanoka’s body, which ironically looked healthier than she ever looked at the hospital. Shoyo knew that they would put makeup on her to make her presentable and not look as bad as most of them looked alive. 

The group from chemo stayed near the back corner so they wouldn't be too awkward or intrusive to the family but they still felt out of place. Kanoka looked more alive than some of them since the makeup took away the bags under the eyes, random ugly bruises because the chemo made it twenty times easier to bruise, and her skin wasn’t a shade away from translucent anymore. She didn’t look mentally and physically exhausted. She looked at peace and it was almost irritating at the people weeping over her wishing her back, even if they knew that she was in pain while alive and, as Shoyo’s mom had said, that this was probably a sign from above. Many of them had no energy to cry, they all just looked sad; and if you looked close enough, you might just see a hint of envy.

* * *

After the memorial, the wing’s air seemed heavy. 

All of the children had been brought back to reality that they might die from complications or from their illness. 

They might die on the table or because of chemo. They might even die because of some type of cancer that pops up in ten or twenty years. They might even become super healthy and then, out of nowhere, be killed. 

They realized that their life is fleeting and they might die anytime soon. 

They all signed up for therapy at least twice a week after the initial session, and also had group therapy sessions three times a week before dinner. 

Some of the group sessions were very depressing but it did help the children. The therapist also recommended some of the children to a psychiatrist so they could diagnose the mental illnesses since they were just a therapist, not a licensed psychiatrist. 

* * *

Out of all of the kids, Shoyo’s test with the psychiatrist took the longest. He already knew that he had a lot of energy and bad thoughts but he had never told anyone else about the bad thoughts. Once the psychiatrist ran multiple tests they diagnosed Shoyo with ADHD, anxiety, and depression. All three of these lead to his intrusive thoughts. The psychiatrist also said that they would want to run more tests once he is older to ‘make sure that he doesn't develop any more mental illnesses’ since it would be very plausible for PTSD to develop from the trauma that comes with the loss of a limb.

This diagnosis made his mom cry but it almost lifted a weight off of the young boy's chest. Now he could get help with focusing and the intrusive thoughts. 

He could feel a bit more normal than he had in the past four months.

* * *

All through the next ten months, Shoyo started to get better. The doctors finally found a combination of medicines that would actually help with his ADHD, anxiety, and depression that didn't interfere with his chemo medicines. He was taught good coping methods and he even started to gain back some of his weight. His hair had started to grow back and he could now drink water without throwing it up.

During the third month, Shoyo started physical therapy in the hospital. They said that he would get a prosthetic once he re-learned how to bend his knee and got some more strength in his left leg. He was ecstatic, even if it was just relearning how to bend his ‘knee’ because that meant he got to move around more and get some of his energy out. He could focus on relearning how to bend his knee instead of the release date that seemed to be getting closer and closer.

* * *

By month four Kenma got released from the hospital. Shoyo was happy that Kenma got to go home but was sad that he would lose his roommate. He moved in with Pedro since they would both have to be in the hospital for at least six more months and Pedro's roommate had to transfer hospitals to be closer to home. 

* * *

During those next six months, Shoyo and Pedro formed a very close bond because of their mutual love of manga and anime. One thing that Shoyo found absurd was that Pedro lived in Brazil but hated the sand and one thing Pedro found absurd was that Shoyo could write better in English than hiragana or katakana even though Shoyo was native to Japan and had two years of learning how to write in hiragana and katakana.

* * *

They decided, in the last month, that once Shoyo was eighteen they would try and meet up in Brazil and Shoyo might even be able to join a research group for amputees who play sports on the beach or outdoor scenes.

* * *

Shoyo eventually learned of the cost of prosthetic's at the end of his stay at the hospital.

He learned that they were very expensive and only lasted on average, three years. His doctors informed him that if he was going to be playing a sport, there was a program he could apply for that helped amputees in athletics under eighteen years old.

He also learned that there were a lot of different types of prosthetic. 

* * *

Shoyo was sad when he got discharged but also happy. 

His mother had set up therapist appointments in Miyagi and gotten in contact with the local hospital. She would have to pick up Shoyos supplies for his feeding tube and to make sure that no cancer grows back or develops in another part of the body. They would also watch out for any additional, long-term, side effects of chemo.

When Shoyo finally left he was crying since half of his friends lived far away but he realized he could go to school with Izumi and Kouji once he got back.

* * *

Shoyo fell asleep on the train for most of the ride. He only woke up to change from the train to his mother's car where he fell asleep in the backseat listening to his mother humming along to the music on the radio. It was some English song that sounded pretty and had pretty relatable lyrics.

_ I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I'll never let you go _

_ When all those shadows almost killed your light _

_ I remember you said don't leave me here alone _

_ But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight _

_ Just close your eyes, the sun is going down _

_ You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now _

_ Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound _

_ Don't you dare look out your window, darling everything's on fire _

_ The war outside our door keeps raging on _

_ Hold onto this lullaby even when the musics gone, gone _

_ Just close your eyes, the sun is going down _

_ You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now _

_ Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound _

_ Just close your eyes, you'll be alright _

_ Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound _

* * *

He woke up when they got home. He dragged all of his belongings back to his room, which was not dusty thanks to his mother who made sure to clean it twice a month. His mother already had bought some carts and a rolling tray so they could organize his medicines and food for his feeding tube. There were also some items the doctor had recommended, like a medicine ball and a massage stick, to help with his amputated leg so it wouldn't get cramps or anything. 

Shoyo was so thankful for his mother who dedicated so much time and money to him. He vowed to himself that he would do the best he could in physical therapy. He would keep whatever prosthetic he got in pristine condition so she would not need to worry about any more money.

He would stop being a burden. 

This train of thought brought some nasty intrusive thoughts once he fell asleep.  The intrusive thoughts were along the lines of him being a burden which he knew his mother did not mind but those thoughts still hurt.

He woke up in a cold sweat and wrote all of the thoughts in a journal like his former therapist had told him to when he got these thoughts. 

When he had been at the hospital he filled three journals in ten months and most of them were in English so the other kids couldn't read them and also because that was the best language he wrote in.

After writing he got out one of his fidget items. One that made noise so he could distract himself from his thoughts and help him to calm down.

After thirty minutes the intrusive thoughts died down he got back to sleep. 

* * *

The following week was the same. Shoyo's intrusive thoughts would get worse at night. These thoughts got better once he got to meet with his therapist.

* * *

They were younger than the therapist at the hospital and the office was brighter. It didn't have the lingering smell of death that the hospital therapist's office had, it smelt like warm citrus and fresh-baked desserts. It smelt like the deserts his mother would make that her parents would send based on their travels.

The session lasted an hour; and it wasn't as awkward as the first session at the hospital had been. In this session, Shoyo felt like he could just spill his brain and show his journal and the therapist would listen. 

At the end of the session, Shoyo had gotten a good idea to try the next time he had intrusive thoughts. He would write them in putty or sand and then wipe them away. It was to help him visualize the negative thoughts and make them go away. 

* * *

Shoyo was now grateful for three things; his mother, his sister, and his therapist. He would work on growing that list but for now, those three people were a start. Yes, he had his friends but these were his people who gave him help or a reason to not wallow in self-pity. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a little longer than i wanted. I am going to try and form a schedule but i will defiantly post at least two times a month.  
> School is just really stressful because we have gone back to fully virtual so i might not have as much time.  
> PLZ leave kudos or comments if you enjoy this.  
> If there are any ships you want plz comment them and if i made a grammar mistake plz let me know.  
> THX for reading this and hope yall have great days!!  
> ALSO sorry this chapter skips around alot. I really wanted to make the early years a little more fast paced so i can go into detail once his is in HS. I just need to set some background friendships and trauma.  
> If you want to join my discord the link is here --> https://discord.gg/C5CNpeeHHN


	5. dear diary, i want to be like the little giant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shoyo goes through physical therapy, meets some new faces, and falls in love with volleyball.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by @lizzy__cos__ on tiktok  
> C/W:physical therapy, mention of amputation/prosthetics

Dear diary,

Physical therapy was the worst.

I know that it isn’t supposed to be easy but I didn't think it would be this hard. 

I can notice that I can walk better but it is frustrating because, at the pace that I am re-learning to walk at, two years will have passed. 

Yes, I know it will only take up to a year but I just want to run and jump again.

I have been doing Physical therapy for two weeks and so far it has only been me and Dr. Wakatoshi but he did say that next week another kid will be joining.

Dr. Wakatoshi also let me look at some options for prosthesis and they were pretty cool. I could get a metal one with something at the ankle, I can't remember the word but it was a really big word, and I could even choose the color. He also said that if I do sports that I would get blades, which are like the running blades but they don’t have the spikes on the bottom so I could put my shoe over it. He also said it depends on what sport because obviously if I just stick with running I would stick with a running blade. 

Recently, while we have been working on my balance, the TV has been showing the local volleyball games and the tournament. They have shown middle school for the past two weeks but next week they will show high school. Apparently, Dr. Wakatoshi’s son was on one of the middle school teams, Shiratorizawa Academy Junior High. His team won the tournament and next week he would apparently be there to help out his dad.

Also, the new kid was apparently supposed to play in that tournament but he had to go to the hospital so he couldn't. I will update this either next week or the week after but it's getting late and I have to get to bed.

Peace out,

Shoyo

* * *

Shoyo was not expecting someone so energetic to be joining him at physical therapy but honestly, is anyone expecting Oikawa Toru? Oikawa had volleyball stickers all over his crutches and his phone was all volleyball themed. He also made sure to ask Dr. Wakatoshi's student intern to turn on the tournament, which he happily did. Apparently, the student intern was from a high school nearby called Karasuno. He apparently played volleyball but wasn’t playing in the tournament because of this star player. He was calling him some type of giant. Shoyo only heard part of the conversation before he started to zone out because no offense but he did not have the energy to be energetic in a conversation.

When Dr. Wakatoshi walked into the room he decided on introductions. 

“Say your name, age, a fact about yourself, and injury or reason you are in physical therapy. I know that last part is a little private but you boys would probably have questions pertaining to why the other has lost part of a limb and this will make it so if you do ask questions, you can be confident of how you ask and what you ask. I'll go first. I am Dr. Wakatoshi, I am 35, I am left-handed, and I specialize in amputees and prosthesis.”

“My name is Oikawa Toru. I am twelve years old. I got to watch the Japan Vs Argentina game live a few years ago and even got Jose Blanco’s signature. I have juvenile rheumatoid arthritis and my lower left leg is amputated because of problems with my ankle. I can talk more about it later if you have questions, small fry” Oikawa stated, in that last sentence directed at Hinata.

“Well my name is Hinata Shoyo, not a small fry, and I just recently turned nine. I have spent the last year in a hospital in Tokyo so I don’t have many friends back here. I had a rotationplasty on my right leg because I had osteosarcoma, so my ankle is now my knee.” Hinata said all of this with a bit of a tone. He was very exhausted from some of the exercises he had been doing at home and overall his energy was just drained.

* * *

Surprisingly, or not, Shoyo and Oikawa clicked very quickly. They both could talk a lot and they both wanted to get back to running and jumping. Later that week, while they were talking Oikawa suggested that they get snacks after PT one day so they did. On the way there they spotted the finals of the local high school Volleyball tournament. Shoyo was shocked. This giant that the intern and Oikawa were talking about wasn’t tall. He was really short, but when he jumped something clicked in Shoyo. It looked like this kid was flying and that was something Shoyo wanted to do.

“Toru. What position does that kid play?” Hinata basically yelled with all the excitement building up in him.

“Oh, the tiny giant? He’s a wing spiker. Normally the only short people on the teams are the liberos but not with him. What he does not have in height he makes up for with his jumping. Why?” Oikawa responded.

“I want to be like him. I don't care how long it takes or how hard it is, I want to jump like him. I mean I used to like to run and jump a lot and I can jump sorta high. Do you wanna see how high I can jump?” At this point, Shoyo almost looked like a puppy who wanted to play. He was super energetic, a total 180 to the beginning of the week, and his confidence had finally returned. 

“Sure small fry, just don't hurt yourself jumping. It might be different than before because you can only land with one leg.” Oikawa responded, grabbing Shoyo’s crutches so he could jump.

Hinata bent down and jumped up. It surprised him how high he could still jump and how easy he could land now, those balance exercises really did work. Oikawa was shocked. He could jump but this was something else entirely.

“Dang, I used to jump higher. I guess I will have to work on that too.”

“You really weren't kidding, you have hops. I absolutely believe that you can be better than the tiny giant by high school if you work really hard. Now come on, I want to get milk bread and you want to get some meat buns right?” Oikawa responded, handing Shoyo his crutches back.

* * *

The next week Shoyo got to meet Dr. Wakatoshi's son and one of his friends. They were both taller than Shoyo by a considerable amount and apparently knew Oikawa.

“Oikawa, when you get to high school you should come to Shiratorizawa. You are an excellent setter and would be beneficial to the future team.” Dr. Wakatoshi's son said. His friend had started a conversation with the student intern. When he heard Dr. Wakatoshi's son trying to convince Oikawa to join Shiritorizawa in high school he quickly came over.

“Ushi buddy. You can't say that to him every time you see him. Anyway, you are going to scare the kid over there,” pointing to Shoyo. He walked over to where Shoyo was sitting; “Hey, my name's Tendou and over there is Ushijima. His dad is Dr. Wakatoshi so he goes by his given name so later in life, nobody can confuse them. I go by my given name because I like it more than Satori. What's your name?” Tendou said this all in one breath.

“My name is Hinata Shoyo but you can call me Shoyo if you want. Quick question Tendou, do you play volleyball too. I heard Ushijima talk about volleyball and once I get the right prosthetic and get to practice, I want to play volleyball.” Shoyo replied in one breath. Both of the boys had high amounts of energy.

Their conversation lasted for five minutes, diverging from volleyball to anime somehow. By the end of it, they had both come to the conclusion that anime was good but manga was a little bit cooler. 

“Hinata and Oikawa, itś time to start physical therapy.” He said, then he looked at Ushijima and Tendou. “Boys, I will get off of work in two hours. Do your homework and then you can hang out in my office.” 

Oikawa and Shoyo walked into the physical therapy room and the session was mostly the same as the last. They worked on mobility, balance, and leg strength. 

* * *

When the session was over Oikawa explained how he knew Ushijima.

“We played a volleyball match against each other in elementary school and ever since then he had wanted to play on the same team. He really wants to be on the strongest team and make it to nationals in high school but I already have a friend I want to play with and they are pretty good but not good enough to get into Shiritorizawa’s volleyball club. His name is Iwazumi Hajime, you might have seen him if you were watching the middle school volleyball tournament. He’s a really good player but he plays the same position as Ushijima, opposite hitter, and if they were on the same team Iwa-chan would have to sit on the bench. He doesn’t love volleyball as much as I do but he still loves it and wants to play as much as he can before college.” Oikawa paused “And anyway I need to beat Ushijima as much as I can to let him know that he is just a stepping stone in my path to success.” Oikawa said, almost maniacal. 

“That seems like valid points” Shoyo responded. “Oika-senpai, you should tell him to meet up after one of the physical therapy sessions. If he is as cool as you make him seem, I want to meet him.”

“Sure thing small fry”

* * *

When Shoyo got home he went straight to a bath so he could soak his leg. After that, he finished some of his homework, played with Natsu, and helped his mother with setting the table for dinner. After dinner, he went upstairs, called Kenma for thirty minutes, looked up athletes with prosthetic limbs, and then pulled out his personal diary. He had two, one for his therapist and one for him. He started to write and planned to write until he was tired.

Dear diary,

Hello. It's been like three weeks since I have been able to write anything so this entry might be a little bit longer. 

First of all, I have decided that I will play volleyball and be like the 'little giant'. He is short and can jump super high and I want to be like him. I want to be better than him. Oika-senpai said that my jumps are pretty impressive, taking in the fact I haven't jumped in over a year. Kenma also thought it was a good idea since I have so much pent up energy. Dr.Wakatoshi said that I should be able to get fitted for a prosthetic leg that would allow me to play volleyball.

Second, last week my mom said that someone donated a lot of money towards my prosthetic, and I should be able to get a regular leg and a special leg. I think it's super cool and they donated because mom signed me up for the local program that helps disabled children. I usually don’t like being a charity case but if it means that I get to start playing volleyball, ill be a charity case.

Third, I met Dr.Wakatoshi’s son, Ushijima, and friend, Tendou, Tendou plays volleyball and also likes manga and anime. We talked about one piece and volleyball for at least five minutes but we both spoke super fast so it was like 15 minutes worth of conversation cramped into five minutes. 

School has been picking up and the teachers aren't cutting as much slack now. 

The other day we had a guest come into our room and teach us. I guess he didn’t know that I can't walk super fast right now or really write on the chalkboard because he called on me. He was all like “Hurry up young man or you will get a detention.” “Did you hear me young man” “I will be talking with you and your teacher after class. Sit back down. Izumi, come answer this question on the board .” After class, he got embarrassed when I told him I was just trying to get my crutches and even if I had gotten them quickly it would have still taken more than thirty seconds to get to the board because the desk rows were super close and I would have to walk around the whole class. My teacher was upset with him; because apparently this was left on their desk but the speaker didn’t look over the class notes. It's funny now but it was mortifying at the time.

Also, apparently, Dr.Wakatoshi’s receptionist has a younger brother my age that he might have to bring by next week. 

I feel super cool with all of my new friends and I keep on getting more friends. 

Peace out,

Shoyo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading.  
> If you want to join my discord the link is here --> https://discord.gg/C5CNpeeHHN  
> You can request ships or send me any ideas you might have about the fic. Or you could just talk if ya want.  
> If you like this fic i would love if you would comment/leave kudos :)  
> I will try and update regularly but that probably wont work so i will definitely update at least twice a month.  
> In two weeks i will go on break and i am going to try and write alot over the break.  
> Points if you can guess the student intern(it shouldn't be that hard)  
> Also, next chapter will have a time skip to shoyo's third year of middle school, after he gets his prosthetic, so we will see how that goes.


	6. a volleyball game and ambitions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shoyo's third year of middleschool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by @lizzy__cos__ on tiktok  
> C/W:Mention of hospital, PTSD, ADHD, anxiety, vomit, and intrusive thoughts

(Time skip to the start of Shoyo’s third year in Middle school)

_Diary,_

_Next week I will start my third year in middle school. This year I will be able to play on my school's team if there are enough people, and I might even get to play in a tournament. I got to watch Oika-senpai’s game against Tendou and it was hard to choose one team to cheer for. Oikawa still helps me with volleyball if he has the time, which he has had less and less time but that's ok, but Tendou will talk to me about manga and anime. Of course, if either of their teams played Nekoma I would obviously cheer for Nekoma because it is Kenma’s team. He’s a setter and when I get to visit Tokyo, I will get to play a scrimmage with him. Kōji and Izumi said that they would join the team if there weren't enough people to play and I'm super happy. They both have their own sports but still want to help me._

_The Tendou's team ended up winning and I have to say that their team was really intimidating. I mean Ushijima looked like a giant on the court but after the game, he told Oika-Senpai that he should have gone to Shiratorizawa because they could have given him a better shot at winning and I think that only made Oika-Senpai annoyed._

_My mom told me to start a medical journal so I think that I will just add something to the end of my weekly journals so I will be able to look back and see if I have gotten worse or better. She brought this up at my last doctor's visit when they put me on more medication for anxiety. It took them two years to diagnose me with PTSD since they thought it was just anxiety. Nope, some of that anxiety came from the PTSD. Most of the anxiety for that is related to my leg. It got really bad after I landed on my weird leg last year while practicing volleyball and the prosthetic broke. I had to get eight stitches and a new prosthetic. It was fully paid for since the last one had a flawed design so they paid for the bills that came in because I was in the hospital (like the food bills, babysitting bills for Natsu, gas bills for my mom's car, and whatever my mom lost b/c she couldn't go to work for a few days and she didn’t have enough paid leave to be able to take off and my next four sports prosthesis because they didn't want my mom to sue. She agreed since the prosthetic's could have gotten expensive, even with help from others, and since they helped with so many bills. I don't hate the prosthesis but now, on occasion, I will be sent into a full-blown panic if my leg starts to hurt the wrong way because I think that it is going to get hurt again._

_On the topic of doctors, the doctors told me that if I can keep food down, I will be able to eat. I will still have the Gj tube but that will be mostly used for medicines and nutrients since I am still considered underweight. They also said that I will have to use it for feeding if I can't keep food down. When they told me this I was so happy. My mom made my favorite food, egg on rice, and I kept it all down._

_Side note, I don't want to start my third year yet. Don't get me wrong, I want to get to high school to play volleyball, but I don't necessarily like my middle school. They renovated it and now it has a bunch of stairs which wouldn't be a problem if they let me have an extra minute or two to get up and down the stairs when they aren't crowded but no. I have had too many kids step on my prosthetic leg and accidentally tug on it when I go to walk because they just stand on it while talking to others. It is little but it is still annoying._

_Signed,_

_Shoyo_

* * *

  
  


“Kōji, Izumi. Thanks so much for helping me.” Shoyo practically cried. 

School started two months ago but there was no boys volleyball team. Shoyo knew this since he had to practice with the girl's team for the past two years but he still kept hope. Kōji and Izumi saw Shoyo being so determined and decided to recruit enough players for one tournament. All three of them knew that they wouldn't win but Kōji and Izumi wanted Shoyo to have at least one tournament before high school. 

“That's what friends are for Shoyo. Anyway, you have helped us with basketball and soccer so it was our time to help you with a sport.” Kōji responded

“Well, thank you anyway. You all are the best!” Shoyo replied. They had found three first years. This meant that they had enough people to play in a tournament. They would have to wait a month or two but during that time they could practice. 

This lit a flame under Shoyo. The taste of a tournament was sitting in front of him for the past three years and now it was finally within arms reach. He knew that he wouldn't win but he could still dream and practice like a man on a mission. He wanted to prove his worth and say in all confidence that he deserves to be on the court. ‘ I need to be on the court at least once before high school. I need to show others my skill.’ 

* * *

Two more months passed and nothing changed. Shoyo was still fired up and the first years seemed excited. Kōji and Izumi were just happy to see Shoyo light up when practicing. He seemed like a star in the way he shone (maybe even for the fact that this wasn't the brightest he could be yet neither of them wanted him to be too bright since they knew that stars get the brightest right before they go out and they didn’t want Shoyo to die)

* * *

Shoyo led his team into the gym. It looked huge and made the whole team look even smaller than it already was. They were the shortest team and the smallest team in the gym, looking like elementary school kids in a sea of young giants. Shoyo started to walk forward when another team walked by. You could tell the power that radiated from the captain just from how he held himself. He looked almost regal but something looked lonely when he looked back to his team. That look was only there for a second before it turned to a scowl. “Hurry up. Do you want to win or not. Come on or else I will make sure you stay on the bench.” He barked orders to his teammates but there was visible tension at this point. It was almost thick enough to cut with a knife. That's when the anxiety hit Shoyo. 

Was he a too lenient captain? 

What if he did not command respect.

What if they lose miserably and no high school will take him.

What if 

His thoughts go cut off by Izumi shaking his shoulders.” Hey Shoyo, you okay. You look a little pale there. Why don't you splash some water in your face to calm you down, okay.” 

“Sure.”

* * *

After the game Shoyo was mad. He knew it wasn't his fault they lost but it felt like it. What if he could have been better. What if he could have covered for all of his teammates and shown them that he could win. What made it even worse was the looks people gave him. The captain from the other team just looked down on him. It made Shoyo feel small. 

To make matters worse, the captain from the other team had the audacity to state that Shoyo had been wasting the last three years. 

‘The team could have won if there was a better captain. They would have won if I wanted the captain’ he thought.

Shoyo went home with these thoughts flooding his mind. They stayed like that until he got a call from Kenma.

“Hey, Shoyo. I heard that you lost your game and I'm sorry but I know that the team you played was really strong.”

“I know Kenma but it still hurts to lose. It feels like I have wasted these past three years of training. I'm sure if any high school was there, they wouldn't let me on their team next year. Who would? I mean I'm short and look fragile. I made a fool of myself thinking that we could win.”

“Don't talk like that. I know that you are a good player and any team would be lucky to have you. They just need to see how determined you are. Also, I'm sure any team would love to have you. I mean, I've only seen videos of you practicing your jumps but you literally look like you're flying.”

“Thanks, Kenma. Well, it's getting late and I still need to take a bath, but I will face-time you this weekend. Maybe we can play a game or something over the phone.”

“Bye Shoyo.”

Shoyo hung up. The call really helped his spirits. He decided that he would dedicate the rest of the year to getting into a good high school and practicing even more.

* * *

The rest of the year passed in a blur. Shoyo still hung out with Kōji and Izumi but they were all studying for entrance exams. He got to hang out with Oikawa twice and shop for manga with Tendou three times. He face-timed Kenma every weekend and Kenma helped Shoyo study for the entrance test. 

Kenma was much better at Japanese than Shoyo was. Other subjects like math and English were still hard but he could probably pass the entrance exams with them but Japanese had always been a challenge, especially since he had a pause in his early education from being in the hospital.

Shoyo had decided on his top three schools.

1.)Karasuno 

2.)Johzenji 

3.)Aoba Johsai. 

He knew that if he got into Aoba Johsai he might not get to be on the volleyball team and if he did get onto the team, he couldn't get much court time; but at least he knew some people there and it wouldn't be completely miserable. If he did get to be on the team he could play with Oika-senpai and would have to work 100 times harder than normal, which was his all. 

If he went to Johzenji then he could still go to school with Izumi and Kōji. He might even get on their volleyball team because they seemed less strict and might be more open to Shoyo, both his strengths and weaknesses.

He really hoped to get into Karasuno. It is where the tiny giant went and used to be a powerhouse. Now they weren't as good, but if he worked super hard maybe, just maybe, the team could get better. He needed to surpass the tiny giant and show everyone his worth. He wanted to make a name for himself. He wanted to be a power to be reckoned with and how better to show that than join a team that could actually show his growth and determination.

He would have applied to Nekoma but he would have had to move to Tokyo and his mom just couldn't afford that at the moment. 

* * *

The day of the entrance exams was nerve-wracking. Shoyo couldn't fall asleep the night before and couldn't even keep his water down. He was exhausted and sitting through exams wasn’t going to help. Luckily he had some extended time for the anxiety and ADHD but it still seemed like a short amount of time. 

Once Shoyo got to the school, he almost fainted. His brain kept repeating a few phrases.

‘You are going to fail’

‘You loser, you need extra time and you still will fail. Watch’

‘Why are you even trying? It's not like you will ever do anything meaningful in life. Why not quit now?’

‘You won't even live past 20 so why are you even trying. It won't matter.’

‘You selfish bitch. If you somehow make it into any of the schools, your mother will have to pay extra since you selfishly want to play volleyball.’

These thoughts plagued Shoyo's mind all through the first two exams: math and science. He was already nervous for those and the added nerves were not helping. Some of his nerves faded away when the English section rolled around. This was his favorite subject/ best subject. After English, there was a break for lunch and even more, nerves faded away. He could keep water down and the food from his bento box down. After lunch, there was the Japanese and social studies test. Both of these were harder than the English exam but they were easier than math and science.

When he got home his mother treated him to ice-cream and let him play video games with Kenma later than he usually got to. 

A month later, at the end of the school year, Shoyo got accepted into Karasuno. 

“Shoyo, dear. You have a letter from Karasuno.” His mother called him down from his room.

“Ok, mom. Be down in a minute.” He put his prosthetic back on and ran downstairs.

His mother gave him the letter and he hesitantly opened it. He was afraid that he wouldn't get in.

“I'm too nervous to look at it mom. Can you look for me?”He asked.

“Congratulations baby. You made it into Karasuno.”His mother said with a huge smile on her face. She picked Shoyo up into a big hug. 

Shoyo started to cry from sheer joy. He could finally start his journey to be like the little giant.

Now he had about a month until April and school started back.

Over the break he: practiced volleyball, played video games with Kenma( Kenma even came from Tokyo to Miyagi for a few days), hung out with Oika-senpai and got some volleyball advice, read all of the manga that Tendou had recommended, and hung out with Kōji and Izumi.

* * *

_Diary,_

_School starts tomorrow and I am a mixture of nerves and excitement. I'm afraid that people will be bigoted and make fun of me because of my prosthetic but I am excited to try and join the volleyball club. If I can make it then I can make a name for myself and become better._

_I'm kinda sad that I don't have any friends at school but it's fine. I will just have to make friends._

_I turn 15 this June and my mother was talking about a trip to America and Brazil. We haven't seen my grandparents in a few years and they wanted to celebrate my 15th. This would be over summer break and we would probably leave the day before my birthday. If I do get into the volleyball club: I might have a training camp later in the break, so the trip would have to be one to two weeks at most. I am glad that I get to see my grandparents again but I am not looking forward to the airplane and taking all of my medications._

_Side note, I only have to go to physical therapy once a month, and even then, the sessions are shorter and mostly just about stretches/ making sure the prosthetic is working. They also have been checking the prosthetic to make sure that it is not going to break and that the prosthetic isn’t faulty._

_Signed,_

_Shoyo_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading!  
> Plz leave kudos/comments if you liked this or have any suggestions  
> You can join my discord here -->https://discord.gg/C5CNpeeHHN if you want to. It will have updates/ i will answer in depth questions.  
> Or add me on discord @bubbleblonde#2396  
> I'm sorry for going off of my schedule. Starting Jan 1 i will try and post every two weeks. I just need to catch up with school/find motivation.  
> After this it will be more in depth but i was getting really tired of writing pre-plot parts of the story and i want to write sadder content.  
> I’m sorry if this got posted weird but the AT&T bombing in Nashville Tn affected my wifi so it took forever for this to post since both my data & wifi are off of AT&T.  
> I will probaly come back to edit this once my wifi comes back but for not i have very limited wifi.  
> Let me know if y’all want ships or not. There will be Kghn but i am undecided if i want any other ships or not since i am a multi shipper and i like most of the other ships equally.  
> Also, should I give Natsu a s/o once she is in h/s or an adult or should she be an independent woman. If she got a s/o i was thinking oikawa’s nephew, Takeru, or a OC. I would write a side story to give them both background/plot so it doesn't seem random but i am leaning towards that ship. If not it would probably be someone from her h/s VB team or a rival team.  
> Hope y’all have a happy holidays


	7. !!! NOT A CHAPTER !!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE

So i am putting this on hiatus until school ends for a few reasons. 

1- I need to catch up on school work and keep my grades up.

2- I need to work on my mental health.

3- I kinds fell out with the fandom b/c i have been so busy and also toxic people on tik-tok. 

I started the next chapter but just couldn't find the motivation. I'm really sorry and when i do update again i will probably edit past chapters too. If someone would want to work on this with me than i would be happy to share my notes on it and my rough outline for the story.

If you want to contact me my discord is bubbleblonde#2396 


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